Staying Afloat

Hello everyone! I hope you guys are doing well. As I’m getting older and getting more exposure on the world around me, I’m realizing how much I want and need to change my perspective.

I was raised by my borderline narcissistic mother and didn’t see my father a lot until I moved in with him when I was 15. Being away from my mother made me realize that the way she sees the world isn’t healthy. When I’m around her, there are always belittling comments (very subtle), anger whenever I disagree with her, and complaints about people and things. She can always find something negative out of a situation or person. She has said things in an argument that are unforgivable.

I don’t hate her; in some way we’re dependent on each other. No, it’s probably not healthy, but her and I fended by ourselves when we were struggling without money and when she entered an abusive relationship. I love her very much.

As I’m becoming more absent in her life things aren’t the same. My self-esteem is low and I’m am an awkward mess of being. Each day I struggle with social fear and the idea that I am not enough. But that does not mean I will remain this way. Everyday is a new opportunity to broaden your mind and face things that’ll be terrifying. How else can you grow as a individual?

Confidence is not ‘they will like me’. Confidence is ‘I’ll be fine if they don’t.’

ExtraMadness.com

It won’t be easy. Sometimes things will go wrong. You might want to give up. I hope you don’t. What worries you now will fade away eventually. Whatever makes you happy is worth fighting for. If being social makes you happy, do it. If becoming an artist instead of a politician brings you joy, go for it. Life is too short to live anybodys life but your own.

Five things I am grateful for today: The delicious lunch I had, I talked to two of my friends today, the weather was beautiful, I got along with some of my classmates, and I looked at a beautiful waterfall.